I was like Rocky. I went the distance, but did not win.
I was thinking of my effort in terms of "Rocky" ahead of time and was trying to have a mind-set of Going The Distance but when I came home afterwards so completely disheartened and feeling screwed-over, I realized I had wanted to be sort of like Rocky, but also I felt that my case spoke overwhelmingly for itself, and that the other side was dead wrong, and I had wanted to win.
Factors that piled on and made me feel cheated:
*received advice ahead of time from people who work in the system, to the effect that people go into small claims court without lawyers and represent themselves -- then when arrived, third floor courthouse this a.m. -- my opponent, there with her attorney! (I didn't realize it at first -- I thought maybe it's just a guy sitting there in a jacket -- the understanding of the whole picture crept up on me, and then I was psyched out. Ticked off, also.)
*the judge didn't listen; she went through the motions, it was a joke -- I could see her, watching my lips moving, waiting for my lips to stop moving, so that she could order me to pay.
What distressed me the most was the slowing dawning realization of the contempt with which the people running the system and the people working the system must obviously regard the vast, far-flung numbers of humans -- miscellaneous members of the Public, such as myself, who blunder along believing there's a fair hearing if you have a problem -- believing in the System and its integrity.
This would not be nearly as painful for me if I wanted to be cynical -- some folks enjoy wallowing in Cynicism. I should take a Page from their Book, because then maybe I would feel less pain.
I hate injustice with a passion.
Why am I like that? The World is absolutely FILLED with injustice.
What planet have I been living on?
What's wrong with me?
Thought of Rocky. And thought of President Kennedy.
-30-
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