nobody feels any pain...

 ------------------ [excerpt from Emma, by Jane Austen] ------------------ What right had he to come among us with affection and faith engaged, and with manners so very disengaged?  What right had he to endeavour to please, as he certainly did - to distinguish any one young woman with persevering attention, as he certainly did - while he really belonged to another? - How could he tell what mischief he might be doing? - How could he tell that he might not be making me in love with him? - very wrong, very wrong indeed."

"From something that he said, my dear Emma, I rather imagine - "

"And how could she bear such behaviour!  Composure with a witness! to look on, while repeated attentions were offering to another woman, before her face, and not resent it. - That is a degree of placidity, which I can neither comprehend nor respect."

"There were misunderstandings between them, Emma; he said so expressly.  He had not time to enter into much explanation.  He was here only a quarter of an hour, and in a state of agitation which did not allow the full use even of the time he could stay - but that there had been misunderstandings he decidedly said.  The present crisis, indeed, seemed to be brought on by them; and those misunderstandings might very possibly arise from the impropriety of his conduct."

"Impropriety!  Oh!  Mrs. Weston - it is too calm a censure.  Much, much beyond impropriety! - It has sunk him, I cannot say how it has sunk him in my opinion.  So unlike what a man should be! - None of that upright integrity, that strict adherence to truth and principle, that disdain of trick and littleness, which a man should display in every transaction of his life."

"Nay, dear Emma, now I must take his part; for though he has been wrong in this instance, I have known him long enough to answer for his having many, very many, good qualities; and - "

"Good God!" cried Emma, not attending to her. - "Mrs. Smallridge, too!  Jane actually on the point of going as governess!  What could he mean by such horrible indelicacy?  To suffer her to engage herself - to suffer her even to think of such a measure!"

"He knew nothing about it, Emma.  On this article I can fully acquit him.  It was a private resolution of hers, not communicated to him - or at least not communicated in a way to carry conviction. - Till yesterday, I know he said he was in the dark as to her plans.  

They burst on him, I do not now how, but by some letter or message - and it was the discovery of what she was doing, of this very project of hers, which determined him to come forward at once, own it all to his uncle, throw himself on his kindness, and, in short, put an end to the miserable state of concealment that had been carrying on so long."

Emma began to listen better.

-----------------------------------------------------

Nobody feels any pain

Tonight as I stand inside the rain

Ev'rybody knows

That Baby's got new clothes

But lately I see her ribbons and her bows

Have fallen from her curls.

She takes just like a woman, yes, she does

She makes love just like a woman, yes, she does

And she aches just like a woman

But she breaks just like a little girl...

_________________________________

{first verse from the song "Just Like A Woman" by Bob Dylan, from his Blonde On Blonde album}

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...but I sure wish he'd take that off his head

--------------------- [excerpt from Emma - by Jane Austen.] ------------------- Emma even jumped with surprise; - and, horror-struck, exclaimed, "Jane Fairfax! - Good God!  You are not serious?  You do not mean it?"

"You may well be amazed," returned Mrs. Weston, still averting her eyes, and talking on with eagerness, that Emma might have time to recover - "You may well be amazed.  But it is even so.  There has been a solemn engagement between them ever since October - formed at Weymouth, and kept a secret from every body.  

        Not a creature knowing it but themselves - neither the Campbells, nor her family, nor his. - It is so wonderful, that though perfectly convinced of the fact, it is yet almost incredible to myself.  I can hardly believe it. - I thought I knew him."

Emma scarcely heard what was said. - Her mind was divided between two ideas - her own former conversations with him about Miss Fairfax; and poor Harriet; - and for some time she could only exclaim, and require confirmation, repeated confirmation.

"Well," said she at last, trying to recover herself; "this is a circumstance which I must think of at least half a day, before I can at all comprehend it.  What! - engaged to her all the winter - before either of them came to Highbury?"

"Engaged since October, - secretly engaged. - It has hurt me, Emma, very much.  It has hurt his father equally.  Some part of his conduct we cannot excuse."

Emma pondered a moment, and then replied, "I will not pretend not to understand you; and to give you all the relief in my power, be assured that no such effect has followed his attentions to me, as you are apprehensive of."

Mrs. Weston looked up, afraid to believe; but Emma's countenance was as steady as her words.

"That you may have less difficulty in believing this boast, of my present perfect indifference," she continued, "I will farther tell you, that there was a period in the early part of our acquaintance, when I did like him, when I was very much disposed to be attached to him - nay, was attached - and how it came to cease, is perhaps the wonder.  

Fortunately, however, it did cease.  I have really for some time past, for at least these three months, cared nothing about him.  You may believe me, Mrs Weston.  This is the simple truth."

Mrs. Weston kissed her with tears of joy; and when she could find utterance, assured her, that this protestation had done her more good than any thing else in the world could do.

"Mr. Weston will be almost as much relieved as myself," said she.  "On this point we have been wretched.  It was our darling wish that you might be attached to each other - and we were persuaded that it was so. - Imagine what we have been feeling on your account."

"I have escaped; and that I should escape, may be a matter of grateful wonder to you and myself.  But this does not acquit him, Mrs. Weston; and I must say, that I think him greatly to blame.

---------------------------------------------------

...Well, I asked the doctor if I could see you

It's bad for your health, he said

Yes, I disobeyed his orders

I came to see you

But I found him there instead

You know, I don't mind him cheatin' on me

But I sure wish he'd take that off his head

Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat...

___________________________________

{"Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat" - the next song on Bob Dylan's Blonde On Blonde album.}

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...to get out of going through all these things twice

 ------------------ [excerpt from Emma, by Jane Austen] ---------------- Mrs. Weston was looking so ill, and had an air of so much perturbation, that Emma's uneasiness increased; and the moment they were alone, she eagerly said,

"What is it my dear friend?  Something of a very unpleasant nature, I find, has occurred; - do let me know directly what it is.  I have been walking all this way in complete suspense.  We both abhor suspense.  Do not let mine continue longer.  It will do you good to speak of your distress, whatever it may be."

"Have you indeed no idea?" said Mrs. Weston in a trembling voice.  "Cannot you, my dear Emma - cannot you form a guess as to what you are to hear?"

"So far as that it relates to Mr. Frank Churchill, I do guess."

"You are right.  It does relate to him, and I will tell you directly;" (resuming her work, and seeming resolved against looking up.)  "He has been here this very morning, on a most extraordinary errand.  It is impossible to express our surprise.  He came to speak to his father on a subject, - to announce an attachment - "

She stopped to breathe.  Emma thought first of herself, and then of Harriet.

"More than an attachment indeed," resumed Mrs. Weston; "an engagement - a positive engagement. - What will you say, Emma - what will any body say, when it is known that Frank Churchill and Miss Fairfax are engaged; - nay, that they have been long engaged!"

-----------------------------------------------------

...Now the bricks lay on Grand Street

Where the neon madmen climb

They all fall there so perfectly

It all seems so well timed

An' here I sit so patiently

Waiting to find out what price

You have to pay to get out of

Going through all these things twice

Oh! - Mama, can this really be the end

To be stuck inside of Mobile

With the Memphis blues again

_______________________________

{"Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again" - song from the Blonde On Blonde album - Bob Dylan.  1966.  Columbia Records.}

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the cracked bells and washed-out horns

--------------------- [excerpt from Emma, by Jane Austen] --------------------- She had scarcely a stronger regret than for her past coldness; and the person, whom she had been so many months neglecting, was now the very one on whom she would have lavished every distinction of regard or sympathy.  She wanted to be of use to her; wanted to show a value for her society, and testify respect and consideration.  

She resolved to prevail on her to spend a day at Hartfield.  A note was written to urge it.  The invitation was refused, and by a verbal message.  "Miss Fairfax was not well enough to write;" and when Mr. Perry called at Hartfield, the same morning, it appeared that she was so much indisposed as to have been visited, though against her own consent, by himself, and that she was suffering under severe headaches, and a nervous fever to a degree, which made him doubt the possibility of her going to Mrs. Smallridge's at the time proposed.  

Her health seemed for the moment completely deranged - appetite quite gone - and though there were no absolutely alarming symptoms, nothing touching the pulmonary complaint, which was the standing apprehension of the family, Mr. Perry was uneasy about her.  He thought she had undertaken more than she was equal to, and that she felt it so herself, though she would not own it.  

Her spirits seemed overcome.  Her present home, he could not but observe, was unfavourable to a nervous disorder: - confined always to one room; - he could have wished it otherwise - and her good aunt, though his very old friend, he must acknowledge to be not the best companion for an invalid of that description.  

        Her care and attention could not be questioned; they were, in fact, only too great.  He very much feared that Miss Fairfax derived more evil than good from them.

 Emma listened with the warmest concern; grieved for her more and more, and looked around eager to discover some way of being useful.  

To take her - be it only an hour or two - from her aunt, to give her change of air and scene, and quiet rational conversation, even for an hour or two, might do her good; and the following morning she wrote again to say, in the most feeling language she could command, that she would call for her in the carriage at any hour that Jane would name - mentioning that she had Mr. Perry's decided opinion, in favour of such exercise for his patient.  The answer was only in this short note:

"Miss Fairfax's compliments and thanks, but is quite unequal to any exercise."

---------------------------------------------------

The guilty undertaker sighs,

The lonesome organ grinder cries,

The silver saxophones say I should - 

Refuse you.

The cracked bells and

Washed-out horns

Blow into my face with scorn,

But it's - not that way,

I wasn't born to - lose you.

I want you - 

I want you - ...

_______________________________

{"I Want You" - song on the Blonde On Blonde album, Bob Dylan.}

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sooner or later

--------------------- [excerpt from Emma, by Jane Austen] -------------------------------------------------- The character of Mrs. Churchill, the grief of her husband - her mind glanced over them both with awe and compassion - and then rested with lightened feelings on how Frank might be affected by the event, how benefited, how freed.  She saw in a moment all the possible good.  

        Now, an attachment to Harriet Smith would have nothing to encounter.  Mr. Churchill, independent of his wife, was feared by nobody; an easy, guidable man, to be persuaded into any thing by his nephew.  All that remained to be wished was, that the nephew should form the attachment, as, with all her goodwill in the cause, Emma could feel no certainty of its being already formed.

Harriet behaved extremely well on the occasion, with great self-command.  Whatever she might feel of brighter hope, she betrayed nothing.  Emma was gratified, to observe such a proof in her of strengthened character, and refrained from any allusion that might endanger its maintenance.  They spoke, therefore, of Mrs. Churchill's death with mutual forbearance.

Short letters from Frank were received at Randalls, communicating all that was immediately important of their state and plans.  Mr. Churchill was better than could be expected; and their first removal, on the departure of the funeral for Yorkshire, was to be to the house of a very old friend in Windsor, to whom Mr. Churchill had been promising a visit the last ten years.  

At present, there was nothing to be done for Harriet; good wishes for the future were all that could yet be possible on Emma's side.

It was a more pressing concern to shew attention to Jane Fairfax, whose prospects were closing, while Harriet's opened, and whose engagements now allowed of no delay in any one at Highbury, who wished to shew her kindness - and with Emma it was grown into a first wish.

------------------------------------------------------

...When I saw you say "goodbye" to your friend and smile

I thought that it was well understood
That you'd be comin' back in a little while
I didn't know that you were sayin' "goodbye" for good...

____________________________

{"One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)" - song from the Blonde On Blonde album.  Columbia.  Bob.}

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lights flicker from the opposite loft

------------------ [excerpt from Emma, by Jane Austen.  John Murray, London, 1815] -------------------------------- Though her nephew had had no particular reason to hasten back on her account, she had not lived above six-and-thirty hours after his return.  A sudden seizure of a different nature from any thing foreboded by her general state, had carried her off after a short struggle.  The great Mrs. Churchill was no more.

It was felt as such things must be felt.  Every body had a degree of gravity and sorrow; tenderness towards the departed, solicitude for the surviving friends; and, in a reasonable time, curiosity to know where she would be buried.  

        Goldsmith tells us, that when lovely woman stoops to folly, she has nothing to do but to die; and when she stoops to be disagreeable, it is equally to be recommended as a clearer of ill-fame.  

Mrs. Churchill, after being disliked at least twenty-five years, was now spoken of with compassionate allowances.  In one point she was fully justified.  She had never been admitted before to be seriously ill.  The event acquitted her of all the fancifulness, and all the selfishness of imaginary complaints.

"Poor Mrs. Churchill! no doubt she had been suffering a great deal:  more than any body had ever supposed - and continual pain would try the temper.  It was a sad event - a great shock - with all her faults, what would Mr. Churchill do without her?  Mr. Churchill's loss would be dreadful indeed.  

        Mr. Churchill would never get over it." - Even Mr. Weston shook his head, and looked solemn, and said, "Ah! poor woman, who would have thought it!" and resolved, that his mourning should be as handsome as possible; and his wife sat sighing and moralising over her broad hems with a commiseration and good sense, true and steady.  

How it would affect Frank was among the earliest thoughts of both.  It was also a very early speculation with Emma.

------------------------------------------

Ain't it just like the night

To play tricks when you're tryin' to be so quiet?

We sit here, stranded

Though we're all doin' our best to deny it

And Louise holds a handful of rain,

Tempting you to defy it

Lights flicker from the opposite loft

In this room the heat pipes just cough

The country music stations plays soft

But there's nothing,

Really nothing to turn off...

____________________________

{"Visions of Johanna" - Bob Dylan. Blonde On Blonde album.  Columbia}

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"got a poison headache but I feel all right"

 ------------------------- [excerpt from Emma, by Jane Austen] ------------------ He always moved with the alertness of a mind which could neither be undecided nor dilatory, but now he seemed more sudden then usual in his disappearance.

Emma could not regret her having gone to Miss Bates, but she wished she had left her ten minutes earlier; - it would have been a great pleasure to talk over Jane Fairfax's situation with Mr. Knightley. - 

        Neither would she regret that he should be going to Brunswick Square, for she knew how much his visit would be enjoyed - but it might have happened at a better time - and to have had longer notice of it, would have been pleasanter. - 

- They parted thorough friends, however; she could not be deceived as to the meaning of his countenance, and his unfinished gallantry; - it was all done to assure her that she had fully recovered his good opinion. - He had been sitting with them half an hour, she found.  It was a pity that she had not come back earlier!

In the hope of diverting her father's thoughts from the disagreeableness of Mr. Knightley's going to London; and going so suddenly; and going on horseback, which she knew would be all very bad; 

Emma communicated her news of Jane Fairfax, and her dependence on the effect was justified; it supplied a very useful check, - interested, without disturbing him.  He had long made up his mind to Jane Fairfax's going out as governess, and could talk of it cheerfully, but Mr. Knightley's going to London had been an unexpected blow.

"I am very glad indeed, my dear, to hear she is to be so comfortably settled.  Mrs. Elton is very good-natured and agreeable, and I dare say her acquaintance are just what they ought to be.  

I hope it is a dry situation, and that her health will be taken good care of.  It ought to be a first object, as I am sure poor Miss Taylor's always was with me.  You know, my dear, she is going to be to this new lady what Miss Taylor was to us.  And I hope she will be better off in one respect, and not be induced to go away after it has been her home so long."

The following day brought news from Richmond to throw every thing else into the background.  An express arrived at Randalls to announce the death of Mrs. Churchill!

--------------------------------------------------------

Well, early in the mornin'

'Til late at night

I got a poison headache

But I feel all right

I'm pledging my time

To you 

Hopin' you'll come through too

Well the hobo got too high

He came down naturally

He stole my baby

And he wanted to steal me

But I'm pledging my time

To you

Hoping you'll come through too

Won't you come with me, baby?

I'll take you where you wanna go...

___________________________________

{"Pledging My Time" - from Bob Dylan's Blonde On Blonde album.  Columbia.}

Hibbing, Minnesota 1941

        (Hibbing is Bob Dylan's hometown; 1941 is the year in which he was born)

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