Calling Bob Newhart

It could be a case for Bob Newhart:

The place where I work, two parking lots: one tight, the other even tighter, it seems. Both great places to practice Defensive Driving to the max.

Last week two in one day: $2500 worth of damage to a parked pickup; and another car appeared to have swooped in and parked with its front bumper practically "up the ass" (pardon that) of the parked vehicle before it.

All this nonsense is preventable. I was energized to write a memo -- dished out copies of it, in the relative quiet of evening hours -- was on a roll, I suppose -- Barack Obama's lucky he didn't get a copy of it.

Home, 10:30pm -- changed clothes, Fleetwood Mac's "Fleetwood Mac" CD playing, then a fast-walk in the humid darkness: and was thinking our parking lot incidents would fit right in with a comedy routine Bob Newhart used to do.

I think it was on a comedy album called "The Button-down World of Bob Newhart," or something like that -- his humor evolved from his persona: the uptight (or, "buttoned-down") WASPy guy with deadpan face and voice.

[His classic:
Other Guy: "What idiot suggested that?!"
Bob Newhart: "That--uh--that, that -- would be me."]

Trademark: hesitation, the stutters, the -- uh -- uh -- the hesitation. And the listening to the other person on the phone, while the audience tries to guess....That -- that -- that would be it.

And his Driving Instructor routine -- he's teaching the "lady driver": (imagine, they used to make jokes about 'women drivers.' It's like a different century.
It WAS different century, come to think of it....)
He's the instructor, giving the woman driving lessons, and he's on the phone:
"What happened?"
(Silence, while he listens.)
"But -- but ma'am. Ninety miles an hour?"
(Pause, while he listens.)
"In your driveway ??!!"

He could totally do that routine about our parking lot.
"But sir -- ninety miles an hour?"
(pause)
"In, in -- the parking lot ??!!"

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