lonnng, thiinnnn cigarette holder

People who smoke a cigarette through a long cigarette holder: Audrey Hepburn (in "Breakfast at Tiffany's) President Franklin Delano Roosevelt Tennessee Williams Hunter Thompson. --------------------- ---- the first two, I could come up with on my own; someone else's blog gave me the last two names: playwright; "gonzo" journalist. Was remembering a personal experience: I was somewhere between 19 and 24 -- in conversation with a woman who was about 11 years older than me; a local couple was mentioned, casually, by me, & my friend said, "I saw them [the husband & wife] in Pizza Hut one night; he was sitting there smoking a cigarette from a long, thin cigarette holder." "Uh huh." "I don't know -- they were just -- sitting there, and he had that long cigarette holder, and -- I don't know -- I guess I'm just not like that." ------------------------- This small exchange is far in the past now, (as may be noted by the fact that people were smoking right there inside of the Pizza Hut - !! ...in these Modern Times we are able to eat Never-Before-Smoked-Next-To pizza ...) -- it's indeed far in the past, and yet the memory never went away -- it would come back to me, unbidden in offbeat moments, knocking on the door of my thoughts, demanding to be considered, analyzed, or at least not forgotten. And I would think to myself, "So silly!" Why was she so intimidated by a darned old cigarette holder? So what?! Let him smoke from a hookah like the giant caterpillar in Alice In Wonderland, if he wants to -- who cares? --------------- "I guess I'm just not Like that" was what she said -- all I could understand from her observation and discomfort with it was that she felt like some other couple was somehow -- more elegant sophisticated stylish classy -- better in some way, than herself & her own husband. "Better"? Or -- not as good, but edging "too close" to herself and her husband -- too close, in the -- what? Race? Competition? Race to where? Competition for what? ---------------------------- In my myopic perspective at that very young age, all I could think of at the time was that my friend with whom I was having the conversation was fabulous. I thought she and her husband were wonderful, and only wanted to become accomplished enough so that they might value my friendship as much as I valued theirs. And yet -- here she was, worried that she wasn't keeping up with -- somebody else. ------------------------ And with a more recent perspective, with increased experience on my Resumé-as-Living-Being, I can now watch that little memory-tape and think of something which I was too overwhelmed to think of, at the time -- if I could be there in that moment, I'd now have the calm wisdom to say, with gentle irony, "Well, first of all, you don't smoke." (Hello???!!! LOL ...) I mean, the "extent to which you Do Not Need a long, thin cigarette holder can hardly be overstated because, neither You nor Your Husband Smokes !!" ..... (This is why "Competition," a concept which is so revered by many people that you run the risk of being "politically incorrect" if you dare to question the Ruling Terrific-ness of the Almighty Ethos of Competition -- still, in my humble opinion, needs to be questioned, as a way of living your emotional life, because "competition" in personal relations seems to me, to lead to all kinds of unproductive silliness, like feeling all insecure because someone else is smoking their cigarette from a long, thin cigarette-holder. As Steve Martin used to say, to such great effect, "Well, excu-u-u-u-use me!" And also, "Who cares?" and "Good for them." [FDR used to totally get photographed all the time with a big old long cigarette holder, and our buddy the local socialite (?) with the elegant and intimidating cigarette holder was a dyed-in-the-wool Republican, so maybe cigarette holders are bi-partisan. Great; we applaud that.]) Realized recently that you can like people and they may not like you back and -- that is OK. When you are young and starting out, you want everything to be an "equals" = sign. When you let go of the idea of the equals sign, you can relax and enjoy Life more.

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