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I am always always always always always always always always always always always always surprised when I hear someone is getting divorced.

And when you think about statistics and realism and the outside world, Logic tells us that I should never never never never never never never be surprised when I hear people are getting divorced.

Logic Brain sees that this is not surprising news.
Ever.
Romantic idealistic Brain is always surprised.

I am such an idiot that I'm even surprised when I hear that celebrities are getting divorced.
When you think about it, that's funny.

I see -- "see" / imagine -- ideal happy families and relationships marked by kindness and supportive actions and shared humor.

When people seem like they have everything, and you hear they are getting divorced, you automatically think to yourself,
"Why would they want to 'f' that up??"

(When we say people "have everything," what is "everything"?
It's these things -- not necessarily in this order, but in whatever order the people themselves value them:
1. happy, healthy children;
2. financial security / wealth;
3. some version of physical beauty.)

And people who are on the outside of that think, "Why would they want to throw that away?"
But of course people don't want to throw anything away --
they just want to live, probably, and they think they can't, in their situation.

I find it difficult to imagine how desperate a human being would have to be, or the reasons for it, that they would think they can't live, when they have all the Everything.

But -- in a world where "Privacy" has come to be a rare thing because of all the media - electronics - etc. - and apparent obsession for spying, finding out problems of others, and then heaping derision on them, one thing can be said for the Space of Relationship between husband-and-wife: it's probably the last frontier of Privacy. No one really knows what goes on in a marriage because there are too many -- components.

And there's that stereotype that when people get divorced they are going to have conflict over possessions -- who gets what.
It appears to me that there's another contest that sometimes goes on, that's more important to people than who will get the dining room table: the "public relations" competition.
Which one can put "the word out" first and fastest, to say "I left" the other person. If you can say that you're the one who left, then there must be something wrong with the other person (is the unspoken implication that the person -- the "leaver" wants the listener to have, about the -- "leave-ee" (person who got left).

And that awful feeling that you get when people tell you this stuff: like flies on your food. Blick.
(Why are you telling me something sad about other people? Tell me something Happy about You!!...)
A state senator told me once that most problems in marriages occurred when one of the people doesn't feel Valued by the other one.
You don't have to be married to understand that dynamic. That senator has a lot of wisdom.

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