I really want to go, but I have to stay

------------- [excerpt, Gone With The Wind, 1936 novel by Margaret Mitchell] ----------------------

     What would she do if the baby came?

     These matters she discussed with Prissy in whispers one evening, as they prepared Melanie's supper tray, and Prissy, surprisingly enough, calmed her fears.

     "Miss Scarlett, if we kain git de doctah when Miss Melly's time come, don't you bother.  Ah kin manage.  I know all about birthin'.  Aint my ma a midwife?  Ain't she raise me to be a midwife, too?  Jest you leave it t'me."

     Scarlett breathed more easily knowing that experienced hands were near, but she nevertheless yearned to have the ordeal over and done with.  Mad to be away from exploding shells, desperate to get home to the quiet of Tara, she prayed every night that the baby would arrive the next day, so she would be released from her promise and could leave Atlanta.  Tara seemed so safe, so far away from all this misery.



     Scarlett longed for home and her mother as she had never longed for anything in all her life.  If she were just near Ellen she wouldn't be afraid, no matter what happened.  

Every night after a day of screeching ear-splitting shells, she went to bed determined to tell Melanie the next morning that she could not stand Atlanta another day, that she would have to go home and Melanie would have to go to Mrs. Meade's.  

But, as she lay on her pillow, there always rose the memory of Ashley's face

as it had looked when she last saw him, drawn as with an inner pain but with a little smile on his lips:  "You'll take care of Melanie, won't you?  You're so strong. ... Promise me."  

And she had promised.  

Somewhere, Ashley lay dead.  Wherever he was, he was watching her, holding her to that promise.  Living or dead, she could not fail him, no matter what the cost.  

So she remained day after day.

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