avoiding scrutiny; courting disaster

 

Actor Chris Noth (Mike Logan on early-90s Law and Order; "Mr. Big" on Sex and the City) is suddenly facing accusations of S.A. from three women.  The stories reported sound similar to the Bill Cosby activities, but without the drugs.  Odd stuff.

        Like -- If these stories are accurate it sounds like Mr. Noth wanted to sort of toy with the idea of "consent" -- like instead of Two Consenting Adults, how about maybe One aggressive adult and another adult who's not having such a good time....

A whole other area of behavior that most of us would not be too familiar with.  One of the women said he texted her the next day and asked her if she had a good time--saying, "I thought it was fun, but I wasn't sure how you felt."

Dicey.

And then if they allow Comments on these stories, it's just a free-for-all, a lot of it really disturbing.  "Why did she accept his invitation to go to his apartment if she didn't expect to be raped?"

(??)

(!!)

I see both sides of that.  If any woman younger than me asked my advice on going to a date's home, to be alone, I would give the standard advice, I guess -- if this is a new relationship and you haven't been intimate and you don't intend to become intimate -- well -- tonight -- then maybe stay in public spaces -- restaurant, theater, go for a walk, etc.

        But it's also true that I would not think to say, "Well don't go to his house and be alone with him because then he has the right to sexually assault you."  No -- that's not right.

Civilized people assume other people are going to behave in a civilized manner.  We assume we're on the same page, as far as acceptable behavior.  (There's that adage:  When you assume, you make an 

ass

of

u 

and

me.)

So -- we mustn't assume the other person will behave in a civilized manner if we are alone.  Then we basically have to be on guard because -- everybody can be a psycho?  Well, yes--that is kind of what we were taught in our young-and-growing-up years, come to think of it.

And Chris Noth, married with two children, the whole time.

Blah-blah-blah.

One of the articles quotes an expert who says, "It's important to keep in mind that people who perpetrate abuse are often skilled in how they present themselves and how they use their power and position to try and avoid scrutiny."

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