(don't) make a list

When I posted here this past Friday I had idea in my mind: will read Hunter Thompson's Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72, beginning to end, in the coming weekend.

That didn't happen.
That's OK.
I can read that anytime I want to,
and I can do anything I want to on my weekend.

But I wondered -- why did I think I was gonna get that whole thing read?
3 reasons.
1. It's very interesting -- to me, "right up my alley" with the political campaign, mid-twentieth-century "history" / events, and Bob Dylan-esque (or Dylan-influenced) writing style -- like thunder rolling across a prairie -- it gets your attention.

2. Because was going to have three and a half day weekend, not coming to work until Tuesday evening, so pictured having all this Time, but then that changed -- guy didn't want time off following weekend after all, so my schedule stayed same, so -- Regular-sized weekend, no extra. And

3. Because a few weeks ago I read On The Road by Jack Kerouac in a weekend. So -- was thinking of myself as Person Who Reads A Whole Book In A Weekend.

Well -- that's OK. There are different goals in life. And there isn't only one Right Way.
And -- perhaps most important to note -- that weekend when I read On The Road, I had no plan to do so. No plan whatsoever. I just started in, went "Oh I see why people talk about this book," and just rolled on through. Felt right. Didn't need to sleep. (That'll do it, thanks!) But there was no PLAN to read the book in the weekend.
It just happened.

Maybe on the weekend, when we can, we need to Let things Happen instead of planning.
Now, in this past weekend I planned to read Loathing all the way through, didn't, but got a bunch of my own writing done. (Some weekends I don't write at all.)

List-making is a large part of my personality and daily functioning. And it works in many situations, and for many tasks and goals and accomplishments. Since it works well all week, it's a little hard to just abandon it on Friday afternoon. But that's what I need to do -- force myself to Not Make A List or "set a goal" for the weekend. Then the subconscious can direct me to do what's important (and enjoyable) on a deeper level.

Am putting that on list.
(Wait! No! Aaauuggghh!)

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