At the beginning of Woodward and Bernstein's book, All The President's Men, there's a "Cast of Characters."
THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
Richard M. Nixon
THE PRESIDENT'S MEN
Alfred C. Baldwin III Security guard, Committee for the Re-election of the President (CRP)
Alexander P. Butterfield Deputy Assistant to the President; aide to H.R. Haldeman
John J. Caulfield
Staff aide to John Ehrlichman
Dwight L. Chapin Deputy Assistant to the President; appointments secretary
Kenneth W. Clawson Deputy Director of Communications, the White House
Charles W. Colson
Special Counsel to the President
Kenneth H. Dahlberg Midwest Finance Chairman, CRP
John W. Dean III
Counsel to the President
John D. Ehrlichman Assistant to the President for Domestic Affairs
L. Patrick Gray III Acting Director, FBI
H.R. Haldeman Assistant to the President; White House Chief of Staff
E. Howard Hunt, Jr. Consultant to the White House
Herbert W. Kalmbach Deputy Finance Chairman, CRP; personal attorney to the President
Henry A. Kissinger Assistant to the President for National Security Affairs
Richard G. Kleindienst Attorney General of the United States
Egil Korgh, Jr. Deputy Assistant to the President for Domestic Affairs; aide to Ehrlichman
Frederick C. LaRue Deputy Director, CRP; aide to John Mitchell
G. Gordon Liddy Finance Counsel, CRP; former aide on John Ehrlichman's staff
Clark MacGregor Campaign Director, CRP
Jeb Stuart Magruder Deputy Campaign Director, CRP, former Haldeman aide and Deputy Director of White House Communications
Robert C. Mardian
Political Coordinator, CRP; former Assistant Attorney General
John N. Mitchell Campaign Director, CRP; former Attorney General
Powell Moore Deputy Press Director, CRP; former White House press aide
Robert C. Odle, Jr. Director of Administration and Personnel, CRP; former White House staff aide
Kenneth W. Parkinson Attorney CRP
Herbert L. Porter Scheduling Director, CRP; former aide to Haldeman
Kenneth Rietz Youth Director, CRP
Donald H. Segretti
Attorney
Devan L. Shumway Director of Public Affairs, CRP; former White House press aide
Hugh W. Sloan, Jr. Treasurer, CRP; former aide to Haldeman
Maurice H. Stans Finance Chairman, CRP; former Secretary of Commerce
Gordon C. Strachan Staff assistant to Haldeman
Gerald Warren Deputy Press Secretary to the President
David R. Young Staff assistant, National Security Council; aide to Henry Kissinger, John Ehrlichman
Ronald L. Ziegler Press Secretary to the President
THE BURGLARS
Bernard L. Barker
Virgilio R. Gonzalez
Eugenio R. Martinez
James W. McCord, Jr.
Frank A. Sturgis
THE PROSECUTION
Henry E. Petersen Assistant Attorney General
Earl J. Silbert Assistant U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia; chief prosecutor
Donald E. Campbell Assistant U.S. Attorney
Seymour Glanzer Assistant U.S. Attorney
THE JUDGE
John J. Sirica
Chief Judge, U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia
THE WASHINGTON POST
Katharine Graham Publisher
Benjamin C. Bradlee Executive Editor
Howard Simons Managing Editor
Harry M. Rosenfeld Metropolitan Editor
Barry Sussman District of Columbia Editor
THE SENATOR
Sam J. Ervin, Jr. Chairman, Senate Watergate Committee
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All the President's Men, by Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward. 1974. Simon & Schuster.
_____________________________
You walk into the room
With your pencil in your hand
You see somebody naked
And you say, "Who is that man?"
You try so hard
But you don't understand
Just what you'll say
When you get home
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?
You raise up your head
And you ask, "Is this where it is?"
And somebody points to you and says
"It's his"
And you say, "What's mine?"
And somebody else says, "Where what is?"
And you say, "Oh my God
Am I here all alone?"
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?
You hand in your ticket
And you go watch the geek
Who immediately walks up to you
When he hears you speak
And says, "How does it feel
To be such a freak?"
And you say, "Impossible"
As he hands you a bone
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?
You have many contacts
Among the lumberjacks
To get you facts
When someone attacks your imagination
But nobody has any respect
Anyway they already expect - you -
To just give a check
To -- tax-deductible charity organizations
You've been with the professors
And they've all liked your looks
With great lawyers you have
Discussed lepers and crooks
You've been through all of
F. Scott Fitzgerald's books
You're very well read
It's well known
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?
Well, the sword swallower, he comes up to you
And then he kneels
He crosses himself
And then he clicks his high heels
And without further notice
He asks you how it feels
And he says, "Here is your throat back
Thanks for the loan"
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?
Now you see this one-eyed midget
Shouting the word "NOW"
And you say, "For what reason?"
And he says, "How?"
And you say, "What does this mean?"
And he screams back, "You'e a cow
Give me some milk
Or else go home"
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?
Well, you walk into the room
Like a camel and then you frown
You put your eyes in your pocket
And your nose on the ground
There ought to be a law
Against you comin' around
You should be made
To wear earphones
Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?
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"Ballad of a Thin Man" - Song 5 on the first side of the Highway 61 Revisited album by Bob Dylan
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