attractive people

What makes us think someone is "attractive"?

For a long time I have thought a particular actor was sort of attractive and wonderful.
Christopher Meloni.
The only place I ever saw him was on "Law and Order SVU."
I never read anything about him or looked at any photographs of him; only saw him on the show.

Then one day I heard him announced as a guest on some day-time talk show.
I was like, "Oh! great -- I've got to watch this."

And then I didn't find him nearly as attractive as he is on the show.

He looked exactly the same. Nothing different in appearance.
And he wasn't obnoxious or anything. He didn't say or do anything to make me think, "Oh I don't like him after all." Nada.

What was the deal??

Thought about it: apparently the man I think is attractive is
"Elliott Stabler," the Character Mr. Meloni plays in the series! -- not Mr. Meloni himself.
(Not putting him down at all. It's just -- he's not the guy.)

That's acting!

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Then I asked myself, what is attractive about the "Elliot Stabler" character, to me?
What is it that I like?

He's tough.
And competent.
Saves people; helps people.
Gets the bad guys.
The way he is very strong and tough, and yet, at the same time, he can shift gears in an instant and be gentle, and careful, with people.

He can treat the person the way they need to be treated.
He can be interested in who people are.

And the way he (and Olivia, of course) figure things out. I love that part.

I'm always trying to figure out things;
so guess I relate to people and characters who are Figuring Out.

So the "attractive" about a person may involve appearance, and appearance may certainly be the First Impression, but the personality -- the fact of WHO and WHAT the person is -- and how you relate to that, is by far the Powerful Thing.

That's it, plus -- I think -- some Mystery Component which poets, philosophers, songwriters, matchmakers, psychologists (heaven help us), and others have been trying to understand or pinpoint all through human history, and haven't got it done yet.

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