"Those who travel the high road in D.C. are never bothered by heavy traffic."
~ George Herbert Walker Bush, President of the United States of America from 1988 - 1992
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PAUL HOUSE
Aren't you nice.
CAROL
Enjoy yourself, you've been through enough.
She walks to the kitchen, carrying the tray.
LARRY
She worked on those for... How're you holding up?
PAUL
Oh, I don't know. I was thinking after a while, I'd get away from here. From this place and all its memories.
LARRY
Uh huh, so you have someone to go with, or are you...
PAUL
I have a brother in Florida.
LARRY
Oh, really?
PAUL
I'm hoping he can get away for a while.
LARRY
Good. It's a good idea.
PAUL
Do you like snorkeling?
LARRY
Snorkeling? No, no. I get nervous when brightly colored fish are staring at me face to face... You know...
PAUL
Hey, I've got some stamps I wanted to show you.
LARRY
Oh, stamps. Well, that's...
PAUL
Come on, look at these.
The CAMERA PANS to the kitchen.
INT. Paul's apartment kitchen - Night
The conversation between Paul and Larry keeps going in the living-room, but we can't understand the words.
In the kitchen, Carol goes about making coffee. She looks around, pours water into the coffee machine. As she's searching for coffee, she opens cupboards -- in front of one cupboard door she pauses, and looks surprised, staring. Then she reaches in and takes out a copper funeral urn.
She takes the lid off and looks inside. Puts lid back on, & looks even more surprised. She glances absently around her, in the room.
INT. Living room - Night
Carol and Larry sitting together on the sofa; Mr. House in a chair. They are in a conversational circle.
Paul House has a little plate of floating island; Carol is sipping coffee; Larry is staring, with his arms crossed, looking a little bored.
PAUL
This is very delicious.
CAROL
Thank you.
PAUL
You are an artist.
CAROL
Well, thanks very much.
She asks him about the funeral for Mrs. House, and then continues --
CAROL
...Where -- are the twin cemetery plots? We... because we were thinking that that was just such a romantic idea. Weren't we, Larry? You know? Larry? You remember when we were talking about the twin cemetery plots and, you know, how kind of romantic that is? Remember?
Larry looks at her. He has a little difficulty coming back to a conversation he wasn't following.
LARRY
Uh-huh. Yes, yes. We were. We were -- spending the eternity with the beloved. I sound like... I sound like one of those guys, now.
PAUL
(setting his plate on a table)
Yes.
CAROL
Yes but, I was just wondering where, uhm, where is the cemetery?
PAUL
Oh, it's... uh, in... uh, it's in Nyack. We used to summer there occasionally.
INT. Larry and Carol's apartment, front hall - Night
They enter.
LARRY
What was all that stuff about twin cemetery plots?
CAROL
Listen, Larry.
LARRY
You know? I mean, we -- we never discussed it at all, but I knew that you were trying to tell me something, so I picked up on it quickly.
He closes the door behind him.
CAROL
Listen.
LARRY
But I... You know, we...
CAROL
Okay, just... I was in the kitchen, okay. And I was making the coffee. There were no beans, so, I was looking in his cupboards, just to see, you know, and I came across this urn, okay? And I opened it, and there were -- ashes in it!
LARRY
Ashes? Funeral ashes?
(following her out of the CAMERA SHOT)
Did you wash your hands?
CAROL
Larry, he had her cremated!
LARRY
How did you know it was her, for Christ's sake? They were ashes. What, did they resemble Mrs. House?
They're in the living-room. As conversation continues, they go into and out of different rooms, in and out of the CAMERA shots, doing things -- putting things away...
CAROL
Oh, and who else would it be...?
LARRY
Anybody. Could be -- an associate, an old relative, his accountant, his cat. Who knows?
CAROL
(voice over, from another room)
Right, right. Hidden, huh? Hidden away?
LARRY
What do you mean? The-the-the guy didn't do anything.
CAROL
(appearing suddenly in a doorway)
Look, Larry. All I know is, he lied, okay? He lied.
She reaches and lifts the receiver of a phone on the wall.
LARRY
(voice over from around a corner)
Look. Maybe-maybe- Maybe he is embarrassed. Maybe he didn't want to spend eternity next to the beloved, so he -- he told us that -- uh... You know, what's the difference? Who are you calling?
CAROL
Ted.
The CAMERA follows Larry as he walks toward her.
LARRY
Oh, Jesus. Leave the guy alone. You know, he -- he... he's a poor widower, he wants to go on a vacation or something.
CAROL
Yeah. Where? Oh, I know where, ah -- ah -- snorkeling, right? Yeah-yeah.
LARRY
So what? Different strokes. You know, he has fun, uh, sitting at the bottom of the water, face to face with squid.
CAROL
(holding the phone but speaking to Larry)
Oh, I know. I know. What about this? What if they had a big insurance policy, or something like that, huh?
LARRY
Too much "Double Indemnity," you know?
CAROL
Uh-huh.
(speaking on the phone)
Hi. Yeah. Hi, it's me. Listen, we were just in our neighbor's apartment, right? -- Yeah, and get this. I came across an urn with ashes in it. Only he says he had his wife buried.
INT. Ted's apartment - Night
Ted sitting with a bottle of beer next to him, speaking on the phone.
TED
That's what you do if you don't want an autopsy. You don't want something discovered, you know? Like -- like poison.
INT. Lipton apartment kitchen
CAROL
Mm. Right. They'd have detected poison, wouldn't they?
INT. Ted's apartment
TED
Uh, I don't know. There's a lot of different kinds of exotic poisons, you know?
INT. Liptons' kitchen
CAROL
Yeah, but why would he... Why would he be lying? I mean, why -- would he lie at all?
Larry walks back into the kitchen.
LARRY
Sheez-us, you're up to poisons already. You guys are slipping into a mad obsession.
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{Manhattan Murder Mystery.
1993 film.
Written by Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman}
-30-
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