this is too exciting

FIRST POLICE OFFICER
There's nobody up there.

CAROL
There's what?

LARRY
What do you mean, there's nobody up...

FIRST POLICE OFFICER
There's nobody.

CAROL
Wait a minute, wait...

SECOND POLICE OFFICER
There's no body there.

CAROL
We -- we saw...

LARRY
We just saw her there.  She's lying on the floor.

CAROL
We...

SECOND POLICE
Mike, check the basement with...

LARRY
She was totally dead.

CAROL
We...  She's there.

LARRY
Wait, wait.

INT.  Room 611 - Day

Police in there with the Liptons.

CAROL
(voice over)
She was right there.  She was lying, like, right this-a-way.

LARRY
(voice over)
Yeah, she was definitely laying here.

                                Police looking under the bed.

CAROL
Because, I mean, she was, she was there, do you understand?

[their dialogue overlaps]

LARRY
The...  Y-Yes.  She was...  It looked like she was strangled, or something.  Not- Not that I'm an expert on violent death, because I wouldn't know.

CAROL
We're - we're two professional people.

LARRY
Right, I'm a...  I - I work at Harper's.

CAROL
Yeah.

LARRY
I'm in publishing.

CAROL
Yeah, that's right, and I'm-I'm looking to start a little restaurant, basically French, although international cuisine would be fine.  Not that I really have a location....

LARRY
Right, she's a fantastic cook.  But, uh, I'm against the restaurant, myself, but-but she's a wonderful cook.

FIRST POLICE OFFICER
Calm down.  Calm down!  Please!

CAROL
Okay, just...

LARRY
Look, obviously what happened is, in the time it took you guys to respond... somebody came here and removed the body.

Not that you didn't respond quickly, you know, you were here fast.  It took - took you three minutes, not-not-not counting the half-hour that the operator at 9-1-1 took to understand what I was saying.

FIRST POLICE OFFICER
Nobody is doubting you, okay?  We're going over the whole building, all right?

CAROL
All right.

EXT.  Street outside hotel - Day

The Liptons and police.

CAROL
Uh, did you check...

FIRST POLICE OFFICER
Mr. House...

                        The second plainclothes police officer joins the group.

SECOND POLICE OFFICER
...He's been at his place of business all day.

LARRY
Any witnesses?

CAROL
Yeah, b--

SECOND POLICE
Uh-huh, backed up and corroborated.

CAROL
Yeah, but you didn't use our names, or anything like that, did you?

SECOND POLICE
No, we didn't.

CAROL
No, okay.

SECOND POLICE
I don't know.  If you think you saw his wife, shouldn't you tell him?

CAROL
No, I'm...  No, I mean, he's in some sort of scheme, here.  It's -- 

FIRST POLICE
We think you should calm down and file a report.

CAROL
It's not...  Oh...

FIRST POLICE
This way, if anything turns up, we got it on record.

                             He gives his business card to Larry.

CAROL
All right.

FIRST POLICE
Take a card, give us a call, have a good day.

CAROL
Thank you.  Thanks very much.

SECOND POLICE
Bye-bye.

                             The policemen walk away.  Larry looks at the card in his hand.

CAROL
Thanks very much.  Oh, man, I don't know how we're gonna...

LARRY
Jesus, I gotta have a drink.  I gotta calm myself.  I need fourteen Zanacks or something.

CAROL
Where is Ted?  I just don't understand where Ted is.  I mean, you know, all this stuff is happening.

                                      They start walking away on the sidewalk; the policemen are getting into their car.

LARRY
Ted?  Ted -- Ted's, you know, he's got his date with Marcia Fox tonight.  He's probably out buying some Spanish fly.

CAROL
Do you think Helen Moss might be in on this?

LARRY
Helen?  I don't know and...

CAROL
I think so.

LARRY
I don't want to know about this.  I think we should change our lives.

CAROL
No, think about it.

LARRY
We should move out of that stupid apartment, you know.  You know, start over, maybe in Mexico.

CAROL
No, no, no.

LARRY
You know, sell blankets.  We'll work off the hood of a car or something.

INT.  A cafeteria - day

FULL SHOT of a classical New-York cafeteria.  Rows of tables on either side of the room, each table surrounded by beige imitation-leather twin seats.  Another row of tables in the middle of the room, with chairs around them.  Huge electrical fans hanging from the ceiling.

The CAMERA PANS on the left to a MEDIUM SHOT of the table where Larry and Carol are seated.  They each have a beer.

CAROL
I'm just beginning to calm down.

LARRY
I'm telling you, I didn't know what's happening.  It was like one of those television shows, where you open the door and you see a -- a dead body.  You know, I always hated those shows.

CAROL
Yeah.  You know, I've never seen a dead person before in my whole life.

LARRY
I...  The only one I ever saw was my Uncle Morris, who was ninety-four years old.

CAROL
Yeah.

LARRY
He collapsed from too many lumps in his cereal.

CAROL
Larry, is this the most exciting thing that's ever happened to us in our whole marriage?

LARRY
This is too exciting.  I don't need this.  You know, I like something quiet... like a fishing trip, or Father's Day, you know, or -- like the time we saw Bing Crosby walking on Fifth Avenue.  You know, I don't need a murder, to -- enliven my life, at all.

CAROL
You know, whoever did it was probably still in the room while we were there.  Probably hiding in the closet.

_______________________________________

{Manhattan Murder Mystery}

-30-