Lord knows

In this scene from The Crown U.S. President John F. Kennedy and his wife Jacqueline met Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip at an "informal" dinner.  (What the royals call informal looks very very formal to many of us!)

It's a big room with tables, and people, dressed up.  Near the door are the Queen and her husband, waiting to greet the Americans.  There's a whole "right way - wrong way" of greeting and moving about:  you don't walk in front of the Queen, for example, and the correct way to address the royals...  Their ancient traditions that are supposed to give "stability."

 Off to the side near the door are two men:  Martin Charteris and Michael Adeane.  Adeane is the Queen's private secretary and Charteris is the deputy.  They try to make everything go right.

        A little ways into the room is British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan and his wife.

INT.  Castle's dining hall - Evening

The Queen and Prince Philip stand watching the large, grand doorway, awaiting the Kennedys' arrival.  Before they (and we) see the Kennedys and their entourage, we can hear them walking in the hallway.

Philip (in a low voice, to his wife) -

Come on, it's like royalty.

Queen -

Very funny.

The Kennedys enter the room.

Philip -

Gosh.

 

Michael Adeane (sotto voce, to Charteris) -

President first, President first.

Jackie (who has gone first) -

Your Majesty.

Adeane (in a tone of ominous foreboding) -

No curtsy.

Charteris -

No curtsy.

Queen -

(startled - and with a look of faint disapproval)

Mrs. Kennedy.

Jackie (to Philip) -

Your Grace.

Adeane - 

Your royal highness.

Philip -

Mrs. Kennedy.

President Kennedy -

Good evening, Your Royal Majesty.

[Queen nods her head, a little stunned]

Charteris -

Oh dear.

Prime Minister Macmillan (to his wife) -

Oh for goodness' sake.

Queen -

Mr. President.

[staring, transfixed]

Philip -

Mr. President.

Kennedy -

Your Grace.

Adeane -

Did he not get the protocol sheet?

Charteris -

Yes!  He obviously didn't read it.

Queen (brightly) -

Yes!  Well - shall we?

Kennedy -

Uh - Jackie?

[Jackie walks on further into the room.]

Charteris -

Where do you think she's going?

Adeane (resigned tone)

Lord knows.

[The Queen catches up with Jackie and then we hear her voice from off-screen]

Queen (in a tone of warm politeness) -

Mrs. Kennedy.

Kennedy -

I feel like that went wrong in about ten thousand different ways.

Philip -

I've seen worse.  Though I'm not sure when.

[The president laughs, and Philip joins in.

Philip -

Drink?

Kennedy -

Please!

Charteris -

Sorry, sir.

Adeane -

Bloody shambles.

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