a right-wing rock and roller

ALVY (sighing)
I told you a thousand times you should always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray.  You never know who's gonna crawl over.


ANNIE (following him)
I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and a fire extinguisher.


ALVY
Jesus.  All right, gimme a magazine.  I - 'cause I'm a little tired.


(While Annie goes off to find him a magazine, Alvy, still talking, glances around the apartment.  He notices a small booklet on a cabinet and picks it up.)


You know, you, you joke with - about me, you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for anything.  An emergency, a tidal wave, an earthquake.  Hey, what is this?  What?  Did you go to a rock concert?


ANNIE
Yeah.


ALVY
Oh, yeah, really?  Really?  How - how'd you like it?  Was it -- was it, I mean, did it ... was it heavy?  Did it achieve total heavy-ocity?  Or was it, uh. . .


ANNIE
It was just great!


ALVY
(thumbing through the booklet)
Oh -- when -- well, I got a wonderful idea.  Why don't-cha get the guy who took you to the rock concert, we'll call him and he can come over and  kill the spider.  You know, it's a --


He tosses the book down on the cabinet.


ANNIE
I called you; you wanna help me ... or not?  Huh?  Here.




She hands him a magazine.




ALVY (looking down at the magazine)
What is this?  What are you, since when do you read the "National Review"?  What are you turning into?


ANNIE  (turning to a nearby chair for some gum in her pocketbook)
Well, I like to try to get all points of view.


ALVY
It's wonderful.  Then why don't-cha get William F. Bucklely to kill the spider?


ANNIE (spinning around to face him)
Alvy, you're a little hostile, you know that?  Not only that, you look thin and tired.


She puts a piece of gum in her mouth.


ALVY
Well, I was in bed -- It's three o'clock in the morning.  You, uh, you got me outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn't get a taxi.  You said it was an emergency, and I didn't get -- I ran up the stairs.  Hell -- I was a lot more attractive when the evening began.  Look, uh, tell -- Whatta you -- Are you going with a right-wing rock-and-roll star?  Is that possible?


ANNIE (sitting down on a chair arm and looking up at Alvy)
Would you like a glass of chocolate milk?


ALVY
Hey, what am I -- your son?  Whatta - you mean?  I -- I came over --


ANNIE (touching his chest with her hand)
I got the good chocolate....


ALVY
Yeah, where is the spider?


ANNIE
In the bathroom.


(Alvy heads into the hall, going toward the bathroom.  She calls after him:


ANNIE
Hey, don't squish it, and after it's dead, flush it down the toilet, okay?  And flush it a couple of times.


ALVY
Honey, I've been killing spiders since I was thirty, okay?


ANNIE (upset, hands on her neck)
Oh.  What?


ALVY (coming back into the living room, looking around, picks up a tennis racket)
Very big spider.


ANNIE
Yeah?


ALVY
Two ... Yeah.  Lotta trouble.  There's two of 'em. ...   


-----------------------------










 {script, Annie Hall, Woody Allen}
-30-